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Director's Log: A Little Mental. A little Physical. A Little Spiritual. A Lot of Crazy.

Sunday 3/10/24 12:53pm cst

Dark Night of the Soul #spiritposse
Dark Night of the Soul #spiritposse

The Director's Log is meant to do two things:

One, nurture my creativity and provide an opportunity for clarity and healing as I experience mid-life changes, the Dark Night of the Soul, and situational resistant depression from the Bible Belt of East texas.

And two, to provide hope, support, and/ or resources for someone else who may be struggling, too.

We do not have to suffer alone and


Writing this log is not entirely comfortable, but I don't necessarily care. I have tried utilizing the mental health system in East Texas. A horrible counselor, new doctor, one pill and forty plus pounds later, I feel this "log" is a great option at this time. Divine timing sucks right now. Sucks. Yes. Usually I would clean that up, however, this is my space, my page with my face, and I don't have to explain myself here anymore. Sigh. Like I was saying, divine timing is not always on my timing. For the time being.... I mean I know what I am supposed to know that everything happens for a reason, blah blah, but again, this is where I AM, and I was heading back to Florida with everything I loved to everything I loved. God has jokes.

Situational depression also sucks. It's a depressive mood you can find yourself in simply from experiencing a certain situation, like said situation above. A depressive mood to me is like feeling sad and gloomy without having the words to explain or the energy to convey the rut I am in or the uncomfortable anxiety I feel. It's like being alive but not being present, and wanting to be present, but without having the words to explain or the energy to convey how confused I am, how lost I feel, and how lonely I feel inside. It's also a mood that means I am smiling and going on with life everyday "like normal" because the professionals say I just have resistant depression- like it's just the stomach bug, no matter how many times I've cried in their offices, was vulnerable and bared all in their offices, and ripped open every childhood wound each time in their offices.

It's exhausting. It always circles back to one day at a time... Just for today. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference". This also includes being angry at God. Because I am. Still.

I am the Director. Somehow I am determined to direct this ship through the seas of depression, the ego, the powers of negativity and distraction of thought, the power of prayer somewhere somehow- faith for ME, not faith for "them", being 46 in this mid-life shitznitz shitz, the dark night of the soul and this spiritual shitz right now smack dab in the middle of the bible belt herself .... drumroll please..... East Texas... with her tight-lipped liberals and her loud-mouthed conservatives... And I don't even favor any party except the one that is marching my happy ass directly to the Mid-Life Crisis Convention on an island far far from reality in the land of casinos and fancy little yummy drinks and appetizers.

Nonetheless, I feel the need to write through whatever is happening, to figure out where I am in life, to be happy being me, and to somehow shine a light on these little areas of unspoken things within us because we do get through these moments that torture and transform us. We do.

I am grateful for my sense of humor.

Director out. -xo

Peace be with You #spiritposse
Director at Work. Peace be with You.



800-950-6264 Every person nationwide can call or text 988 or online chat with to reach trained crisis counselors who can help in a mental health, substance use or suicide crisis.

The following is provided by Psycom:

United States

  • 988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: In July 2022, a universal mental health crisis line launched nationwide. Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.

  • 911 Emergency

  • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday

  • In October 2023 NAMI launched a Teen & Young Adult HelpLine, for nationwide peer support and resource referrals. Text "Friend" to 62640; chat at; call 800-950-6264. Available Mondays through Fridays, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. ET.

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); Or, just dial 988

  • Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support:

  • Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish

  • Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

  • Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228

  • Planned Parenthood Hotline: 1-800-230-PLAN (7526)

  • American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222

  • National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255

  • LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

  • National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)

  • The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)

  • The SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline connects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)

  • The Trans Lifeline is staffed by transgender people for transgender people:1-877-565-8860 (United States)1-877-330-6366 (Canada)

  • Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation's largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)

  • International Suicide Prevention Directory:

  • The StrongHearts Native Helpline is a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.

'Find a Therapist' Online Directories


UK & Republic of Ireland


  • Emergency: 911Recuerde siempre que si usted esta en una situación de emergencia debe comunicarse con los teléfonos: 107 (SAME-Sistema de Atención Medica de Emergencia), 911 (Emergencia policial), para atención telefónica inmediata. Si desea orientación telefónica a familiares y amigos, déjenos su mensaje y teléfono. Nos comunicaremos con usted.



South Africa

New Zealand



  • SOS HelpBoite Postale 43,Cedex 92101BoulogneHotline: 01 46 21 46 46Website: (English-speaking)

  • Suicide EcouteParisHotline: 01 45 39 40 00Website:

  • E.P.E. idF. Fil Sante JeunesParisHotline: 0800 235 236Website:

  • Fédération S.O.S Amitié France11, rue des Immeubles industriels75011ParisHotline: (+33) (0)1 40 09 15 22Website:




  • Mexico Suicide Hotline: 5255102550


  • Befrienders Worldwide, TokyoHotline: +81 (0) 3 5286 9090Website:

  • BI Suicide Prevention Centre, OsakaHotline: +81 (0) 6 4395 4343Website:

  • Tokyo English Lifeline / TELL Japan5-4 22 rm 302, Minami AoyamaMinao KuHotline: Counselling: 03 5774 0992Hotline: Face to Face: 03 3498 0231Website:



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